So we’ve seen how writers and sales people can capitalize on the four basic fears of others, but we only delved into two fears. Let’s continue. . . .
You are afraid that you don’t matter to anyone, that you are not pretty enough/good enough/smart enough.
Sales pitch: Are you small? Would you like to be bigger? Being bigger would take care of all the problems in your life. No more will people overlook you when filling job positions. No more will people not notice that cute mole on your right cheek. No more will others not listen to your opinions. We want to give you, yes, give you, NoMoreShrinkage, because at this price, we’re practically giving away attention. NoMoreShrinkage works in such a unique way that you will not even feel it happening, and after your one hundred and thirty-five easy payments, you can walk tall.
Story: She stood in front of him, her eyes wide. He knew what she was thinking. Was there anything in there, behind those glassy gray eyes? She looked deeper, her pupils rushing from fleck to fleck in desperation. He held his own, hands in his back pockets, acting as calm as Tom Cruise on a dead motorbike. He just wished he had the shades. Her shoulders heaved, her eyes filled, and her body moved a step back. It was true. He was as dumb as a deaf, blind and mangy monkey, and there was nothing he could do about it, except, maybe, go buy those sunglasses now.
You are afraid that you are irredeemable. You have messed up so much and so often that James Frey has nothing on you. You own the corner of the market on sin, and if you remind yourself enough (like, minute by minute) of what a loser you are, it will spur you to achieve incredible leaps of perfection (despite the fact that your dad tried that and it obviously didn’t work).
Sales pitch: Do you feel like cr*p? Have you failed again? Will you ever get it right? We have the answer! The Shoulda Button is attached to this tiny electrical wire that is attached to your neck that is drilled through your thick skull that is embedded in your brain. Every time you feel as if you should push yourself more, press this button and deliver 14 amps of electrical messages to your brain, saying such things like, “You shoulda not said that, you shoulda said this, you shoulda been witty, you shoulda smashed their face in.” Guaranteed for life, this only adds to the messages your brain already delivers, but we all know, it’s never enough. Exacerbate the pain, and maybe, some day, you’ll feel enough like the crud you really are to climb the highest mountains, drink milk with a moustache, and live your STD-filled life to the fullest.
Story: Grunt sat on the gritty floor of the granite cave grunting. Dadgrunt was out stoning bison, just like he did every day, only today he had asked Grunt to go along with him. Grunt grunted. He’d never be a stoner. His arm was too short, his aim was too high, his low was too low, but he couldn’t tell his dad that. Dadgrunt was the region’s top stoner. He’d never understand. Grunt lay on the gritty floor, and began to cry.
So it’s all quite simple really. Imagine the worst, write it down, and make your millions. Oh, and by the way, if you try and sue me because your writing career suddenly finds itself in the toilet, your worst fear might come true. Just think about that. Selah.