Exploding bananas

Dear spammers,

While I appreciate the love and effort you put into spamming me, there are a few things I must say if we are to keep this relationship as loose as it already is.

  1. I do not need anything thicker, larger or longer.
  2. I do not understand Russian, понимать, but if I were a guy and I hadn’t heard that most Russian brides are nut jobs, I might have been interested. Good luck with that visa application.
  3. Ladies, I do not want to see your “pic,” although I am flattered that you “started developing interst in” me and think I’m “cutee.” I’m afraid I cannot return the interst, but again, if I were a guy and I hadn’t heard that most “discussions” on the telephone are conducted by middle-aged ugly women, I might have been interested.
  4. Hi back
  5. I find it amazing that I supposedly ordered something two months ago and only now are you worried I might not have received it. I wouldn’t be advertising that kind of service.
  6. Last time I looked, a rod was a stick, wand, staff, or the like, of wood, metal, or other material. Go buy yourself a dictionary.
  7. I’d love to take you up on your job offer; but truth is, my highest paying job, ever, was $18,000 a year. This makes your offer of $52,000 looks a teensy bit suspicious.
  8. I do not want to get naughty on Facebook. My husband is a constant entertainment in and of himself.
  9. I don’t need Vicodin—I am already a child of the most high.
  10. If I wanted my banana to explode, I’d put it in the blender.

Thank you, again, for your continuous efforts to engage me. Even a stalker would not be this persistent, so I must admire your tenacity.


(For more great banana photos, check out this blog: http://curiousphotos.blogspot.com/2007/12/banana-art.html)


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