The older I get, and the longer my wrinkles linger, the more I realize how things really are. There is a reason why right is the root form of righteous. The more I know, the more right/righteous I become, and the more wrong irks me. This is why I must educate all those who come after me so they will not rankle me or my righteousness anymore.
The plates must always face the spray in the dishwasher—an obvious truth.
The toilet lid should always be closed after use, thereby eliminating the risk of germs jumping out of the bowl onto one’s clothing. This serves a double purpose of causing both genders to have to lift something, thus creating justice for all; and prevents one from getting diseases such as toiletwateronmynewshirtitis.
The woman should drive. Everyone knows women are more cautious. If you, a man, are nervous about this shift in thinking, buy the bumper sticker that says “Cover me—I’m about to change lanes.”
Both chick flicks and man arr-arr movies are lame. The former present the view that swimming in the rain and cooking foreign food will make anyone fall in love (happily ever after, I might add), while man arr-arr movies present the notion that violence, blood, and dynamite will make all the world’s bad guys disappear. The theory is that women are safe if they are loved and men are safe if they obliterate anything that makes them afraid. Poppycock.*
Missionaries were sent into foreign lands to convert the pagan masses. The missionary position will convert none. Love in action is the new motto, along with justice and liberty for all.
There is only ONE SPACE between sentences. I am backed up by all the grammar books on this one. Trust me. If I catch you flouting this rule, I will harass you on all my social media outlets (in love).
It is NOT walla/wallah/wall-ah. Voilà is a French word, and anyone who does not spell it in its original form spits on the face of romance, and will find me scratching a trip to Paris off their bucket list. Voilà, people, voilà!
Back to being right: if I catch you being wrong, I will let you know—in love, of course.
*Poppycock: empty talk or writing : nonsense
Origin: Dutch dialect pappekak, literally, soft dung, from Dutch pap pap + kak dung; first Known Use: 1865